happy things

sometimes ...nay always...happy things must always be documented. i think i've been focussing too much on sad things because i am afraid that being happy would make me forget that i would also feel sadness at some point.
but i need to write it down i feel.
i am grateful for the happiness i feel right now. professionally, my life is great. i still have my eyes on other things but i am doing well i think. Alhamdulillah.

before the school holidays, the kspk was informed we had to prepare a teacher's day celebration for the lecturers of eltc. we were a little angry at first because we had so much to do and this just doesn't feel like something we can do really well at particularly at such short notice. we found out later they change the dates and even demanded things to be added. sure we've handled our forum, and did the reader's programme but this is a celebration. it's bigger than before. kalai took charge as the coordinator, i became the mc by my own choice, ezrin n edayu made the poem presentation- ezrin wrote the poem and edayu made the video using my pics n en radzi's as well as the sentimental song from my brother's wedding. kak hana was in charge of gifts, chen was to read the ikrar, david handled the computer, selva the kspk speech, lew n chen the invitations as well, kak aini prepared the toggle game while i prepared the poison box game.
i felt i did a lot of work but i really enjoyed it. i prepared the committee list and the materials needed, the itinerary, the mc script which i gave to everyone a copy, i chose the songs for poison box games as well as for the duration of the do. i made the power point presentation for the lyrics, ikrar and change the background ezrin initially made cos it didn't tally. i prepared the poison box cards, edited n finalised kalai's original editing of the minister's speech. kalai edited till it was about 20 mins from the original 30. i edited till it became 11 mins. hahaha.
we practised singing all the time too. we had our little choir,kak aini suggested the song westlife i have a dream. i looked for the negaraku n lagu guru malaysia song. on thursday after class, kalai n i went to the event area to check out the computer, and arrange the chairs and tables. we were really lucky cos fadhil, rosdi, radzi n mr richard were there using their manly prowess to arrange the chairs and stuff. we were all laughing and having fun.
the next day at 10.30 we went to the event room. this time the whole class for the full rehearsal. rosdi and radzi were there helping out with the microphones and all. we were really lucky to have them being so warm n helpful n so funny. the rehearsals were really fun. we laughed like crazy. the group dynamics was wonderful.
when we went for lunch, i was actually feeling out of sorts. in the morning i didn't eat much and was feeling like cold. during lunch i slept a little but my brain kept buzzing of cos thinking of how the afternoon would turn out. i woke up and finished up my nasi lemak and told myself to get a hold of things n focus.
we all went back to the event room at 2pm. we didn't do any last minute rehearsals, merely looking at things making sure everything's in order. at 3 a few lecturers trickled in. we finally started near 3.10. and we got started, things just went well. the director took 15 minutes instead of the allocated time for her speech, but when game time came, we were all awed at the activeness and sporting attitude of the lecturers. there were all happily involved and made noise. the poison box game went really well too. ezrin suggested that the twist be made as the winner's part. and it went really well. en mohathir led the whole room doing the twist. we then closed the ceremony and gave gifts as the lecturers came out of the door to tea. at tea, we celebrated mr richard's birthday. he was so happy and dancing around. even went to our class and danced there. it was so funny.
the lecturers also really enjoyed the poem video and the skit involving kalai, lew, ezrin, david and edayu. i thought they acted really professionally.
basically we managed to get everything done by 4.30 according to chen. i thought it was more towards 4.40 but still it means that we didn't cause the lecturers to go home late. everyone was able to make the 5pm homeward trip. Alhamdulillah
oh edayu took a picture of me n radzi while the director was giving a speech. haha. radzi tooks pictures and video. i want those. hehehe
what have the kspk done this year so far...

we have organised...
a forum for dtc
reading programme for the library
prepared public speaking for our ptk
and
teacher's day celebration for eltc

to come...
play production.

i'm also really proud of my coursemates for doing so well and cooperating wonderfully. ezrin seemed really confident doing her skit and she even professed that her confidence level has increased and she was willing to try out becoming an mc and acting and such such in future productions. i say hell yes. because she has the voice for it and she has the creativity for it. we all have it in us. but it takes all of us to be helpful and supportive of one another that helps us all get through.

amazing

Alhamdulillah i feel so blessed now. i am focussing on the blessings instead of the things that saddens me cos obviously being the melancholic person that i am, i am prone to be easily disturbed emotionally by events and people.
many things are going on in my mind. professionally, i really don't want to be a teacher any longer. i feel that part of me has run its course. i want to move on to other things.
going back to the blessings...recently for my ptk. the second time i went for it, i got a 4-4. umum and co-curricular paper. i was quite confident of the first one, but was really scared about the other cos the questions seemed really difficult. but i remembered i was praying and praying i would get 4-4. in all honesty i prayed for all that i want in life and my professional life i am grateful that i have always been given what i wanted and needed. Alhamdulillah
now of to greater things

a week

it's saturday. yay...

i've been enjoying my classes. really participating and focussing. in fact i think i might possibly be the loudest. so far i feel that i have a positive response from most lecturers. one or two may feel confused though at my exuberance. the rest of the class are very quiet and well... mature thinkers probably. i am obviously the psycho. haha. whatever. i'm enjoying myself.

i've had time to reflect during classes cause that's what they want us to do. reflect on ourselves as teachers and how we reacted, on what we have done. it's like opening doors to discussions on how to become effective-reflective teachers. too bad i'm running away after this course to the office. i hope i get either masters or an office job. yeah i can't teach no more. crap at it. i love studying. i'm very blessed to be studying with ezrin.

she complements me well. whenever i get blur...she just comes out and put me right. she's also very patient with my bullshit. i need friends like that. i've been so lucky. Alhamdulillah

i'm trying to get my head around phonetics. i failed during my b.ed in phonetics. it's the one thing i couldn't understand. but i'm trying to overcome that weakness now. i have weaknesses i'm trying to overcome. so many obstacles due to my own pride and ego that i need to dissolve. With Allah's grace, i hope i'll be able to. i really want to excel this time. to prove to myself that i'm not such a loser.

anxiety

i was anxious about the first day of lessons.
i am grateful that it went off well.
all the lecturers who went in did their job well.
richard teoh, mercy thomas and mohd mohathir jamaludin for
llu, dtc and lld..

i'm actually rather afraid of lld. it reminded me of my failing during b.ed years. i couldn't get my head around transciptions of phonetics. i'm horrible at it.

today we also got our library card and student card.

we're allowed to borrow 8 books for a week. but just now i borrowed 7 books and allowed for 2 weeks. hehehe
those books are:
1. the devil's dictionary of education- tyrrell burgess 371.102 bur
- a funny book poking fun at education

2. naked at work (and other fears) - paul hellman 158.72 HEL
- tips on staying sane

3. brilliant memory- tony buzan 153.12 BUZ
- memory tips and exercises

4. 100 essential lists for teachers-duncan grey 371.102 GRE
- tips

5. teaching and assessing skills in english as a second language- peter lucantoni
420.0075 LUC

6. the routledge dictionary of english language studies - michael pearce 428.007 pea

7. learning to teach- linda shalaway 371.102 sha

sleepy

yesterday i slept at 8.30 pm. i was so worn out. ezrin sent me home.
today she sent me home again. we had pizza hut at ou before that.
yesterday we got wind of a lecturer who's name is very unlike who she is. so the gossip goes. as ezrin has first hand experience, i believe her.
nevertheless, i'm trying my best not to let those things get to me. i'm already feeling overwhelmed and full of apprehension. i worry i might not be able to cope and excel. plus i need to buy a laptop. i don't have money for it. unfortunately.
i may need to borrow some to buy. haha
i seem to have fever and a little cold. couldn't breathe well so i need my vicks and such. i'll get back on it soon.

kspk first day

my first day at kspk.
i woke up a minute before half past five. haven't woken up that early since november 2008. hahaha. okay maybe once or twice.
got myself ready and my brother drove me to the kelana jaya lrt station on his way to shah alam. i was in line by 7.04 am. there was a long queue behind me. when the lrt arrived. i decided to just stand by the door. it was good that i did that. the next few stops before kerinchi had loads of people coming in and thus if i had been sitting down, i'd had to bulldoze my way out. not good at all.
not many people came out at kerinchi. i arrived at the station at 7.20 am. i walked briskly, feeling good about finally exercising some. there was only one other person going my way and she was at the time way in front of me. but i caught up with her while waiting to cross. i crossed, she waited a bit more. turns out, she's a student at ipba. i saw her at the canteen.
i met up with ezrin at her car outside the hostel and we went our way up the stairs to ipba/eltc. as it was only 7.40, we had our breakfast at the canteen. i had a bowl of porridge and plain water. cost me rm1. hahaha
at 8 thereabouts we went up the lift to the first floor on the eltc side of the building. cik norisham was there to meet us for registration. there was intially 11. but 2 dropped out cos one in sabah, another sarawak. another sarawakian man will be coming tomorrow. at first there were only 4 of us. me, ezrin, liew and aini.
the registration was from 8 to 10. to we waited to 9.00 before the rest started coming in. there were 8 by that time. all ladies, all married and registered except me n ezrin. aini from pahang, liew from johor. the rest around selangor/kl and putrajaya.
after a brief briefing, we went to the hostel. an apartment was got ready for us. in it were 5 rooms. a to e. ezrin and i chose room c. it was a 2 person room. we basically hang out just the two of us. the youngest is liew. 3 of us born 1979- including edayu, kelantanese teaching in gombak setia.
oldest is around 1965. not sure who though. it's a toss up between selva (lives in nilai) and kak hana (putrajaya). the sarawakian coming tomorrow, david is around that age too. 40+
at 10.30 am we went back to the class for more briefing. then were let off for lunch at 12.00. ezrin and i went to marco's pizza pasta and vino at bangsar village. i had tummy ache and wind after that. linguini carbonara. gaaah. it tasted wonderful but i guess i couldn't take it. hahaha
went back to hostel for prayers and at 2 at the class. pn farah the head admin came and spoke a little from 2-3. then we went to the library on the same floor for a little tour and registration of the library with mr rowland.
i was excited to see jean floyd's picture and even a picture of a few of our b.ed mpik lecturers. raja azizah came to speak to the class for a bit before too.
oh almost forgot. at around 2pm, nearer to 3, we were joined by a new classmate chen from ipoh. she had previously tried to register but her letter said for her to go to ipba. so she went. they finished at 1.30. wow
tomorrow another lady will join too, nurlida from shah alam. i wondered if it's actually bam of b.ed. hahaha
so far, i kinda feel like the possibility of me and ezrin not being chummy with the others is quite big. there's a kind of barrier i feel between them and us. it's the older teachers actually who seems to be raising that barrier. we hope we would be able to ignore it though. i want to be cemerlang this time. so no politics thank you.

kspk

i'm going for a one year course called Kursus Sijil Perguruan Khas (KSPK) starting on the 5th of January. it's funded by KPM. i applied through the online form which came out in middle of november. you have to check www.moe.gov.my often to get all the latest news and application forms.
two friends of mine went for this course 2 years back. that was the first time i heard of it. i decided to apply this year simply because i didn't get my masters scholarship, so having no money and not wanting to stay in school with all the stress, i applied for KSPK.
Alhamdulillah i got it. just the thing i needed to get myself back on my feet, to clear my head. at least alleviate the stress of being at school.
those who've taught in KL schools and actually do proper work would understand the stress. there are the few brazen ones naturally who does nothing except yap and expect the world to revolve around them. it's in every office most probably. and very unfortunate too.
i've also applied for a masters scholarship again. my second time. the advert came out online in early to mid december. closing date is the 5th of January 2009. my friend and i both submitted our forms to the JPN yesterday. the same friend who also applied for KSPK with me and we'll be studying together. hahahaha
i am so grateful to have a friend with me on the same page, on the same journey. we've known each other since college. roomies too. i've been lucky in life to find many gems who i am proud to call friends. it could be a lonely thing being a teacher. having other teachers and non-teachers supporting you helps a lot.
i'm gonna miss the kids next year. but i needed this. i'm practically breaking down already. the body, the mind and the spirit.
there are really tough people out there teaching non-stop. i need my space. if i were to get (i really hope i do) my masters, then it'll be 2 more years of studying. i'm looking forward to it.